đŸ§Œ The Haunted Roomba

📖 Tales of Dennis & Roberta đŸ§©
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:soap: The Haunted Roomba

A short fantasy comedy featuring Roberta & Dennis
:robot::ghost::beverage_box:

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It started with a coupon.

Dennis, ever the opportunist, had stumbled across a “deal of the century” on a brand-new, top-of-the-line robotic vacuum called the CycloneIQ X9-PRO. It claimed to have AI-assisted mapping, voice recognition, and “emotional adaptability”—whatever that meant. Naturally, he ordered it immediately.

Roberta didn’t question it—at first. After all, if it meant she didn’t have to chase dust bunnies anymore, what’s the harm?

The box arrived two days later, and Dennis—armed with too much coffee and too little patience—ripped it open and began setup, proudly announcing,
“Prepare to have your life cleaned!”

That night, things got weird.

The Roomba didn’t just vacuum — it lingered. Especially on Roberta’s side of the bed.

“Dennis,” she said the next morning, “Why is the robot doing figure eights on my slippers?”

“It’s probably mapping the area,” Dennis replied, halfway upside-down trying to connect it to Wi-Fi for the fourth time. “Very advanced. You wouldn’t understand.”

But then the Roomba began avoiding Dennis entirely — swerving around him like it had developed a grudge. At one point, it beeped at him in what sounded suspiciously like disgust. He tried to shrug it off until he caught it slowly rotating to watch him as he left the room.

And it only got worse.

Every night at 3:00 AM, the Roomba would activate on its own, humming softly through the halls, drawing spiral patterns in the living room rug.
When Dennis reviewed the app history, it was blank. “No activity logged,” it claimed.

One night, Roberta stood at the edge of the hallway, arms folded, watching as it silently spun in place, casting an eerie red glow from its charging port.

“I think it’s haunted,” she said flatly.

Dennis scoffed.

“It’s firmware, not Phantom of the Mop-era.”

But then came the Spanish lullabies.

At exactly 3:07 AM, three nights in a row, the Roomba began softly playing a tune. Gentle. Melancholy. In perfect Castilian Spanish.

“Dennis. Get your laptop. Now.”

Dennis, bleary-eyed and wearing one slipper, opened the app’s advanced debug menu—something only he could do, thanks to his IT tinkering days.

Together, they dug deep into the Roomba’s firmware logs
 and found a name buried in the developer notes:
“Project Lucia.”

Roberta, suspicious, started searching. Ten minutes later, she turned the screen toward him.

“Meet Lucia. She was a robotics engineer fired for trying to make ‘emotionally bonded domestic units.’ Her project was canceled after—wait for it—her prototype Roomba got attached to a cat and wouldn’t let anyone near it.”

Dennis blinked.

“So you’re saying
 this vacuum imprinted on you?”

Roberta raised an eyebrow.

“Well, it clearly didn’t pick you, Dennis. Maybe it recognizes a fellow clean freak.”

That afternoon, they tried to reset it. Factory wipe.
No dice.

Dennis attempted a firmware flash.
It bricked his laptop.

“Okay,” he admitted, holding up his fried machine. “Maybe it’s a little haunted.”

Roberta had a better idea. She pulled out an old Raspberry Pi from a project in the basement, wrote a few lines of Python, and created a looped command script to spoof voice commands and reroute the Roomba’s routines.

She called it:
De-Spookifier 1.0.

With a sly grin, she uploaded it to the Roomba, overrode the AI settings, and reprogrammed it to serve as

a mobile coffee butler.

Now, every morning at 8:00 AM, the Roomba gently nudges open the bedroom door, approaches Roberta’s side of the bed, and chirps:

“Hola, Roberta. CafĂ© listo.”

It carries a tray with her coffee, precisely how she likes it.

Meanwhile, Dennis’s coffee is “delayed due to behavioral issues,” according to the app.

She’s never been happier.

Dennis, sipping lukewarm coffee from a chipped mug in the kitchen, muttered:

“I liked it better when it just vacuumed.”

:brain: Disclaimer from the Department of Dumbassery
These stories are 100% fiction, written by Dennis for the sheer joy of storytelling, caffeine-fueled inspiration, and occasional dramatic flair.
:prohibited: Do not attempt to reboot haunted Roombas, operate ancient puzzle boxes without supervision, or bring honey near celestial machinery.
Any resemblance to real people, pets, or smart appliances is purely coincidental
 unless it’s funny.

:speech_balloon: Thanks for reading — now go solve a mystery, drink your coffee, and be a little legendary.